Perfection

Dad always wanted perfect grades
Maybe to be accepted by his own family
I was replaced by a "cousin" who wasn't of blood
My seat at the adults table taken
While I sat with the little children
Now they wonder why I won't speak to them
I followed their rules
No tattoos, no piercings, first kiss at nearly 28
While their own children of a pastor pole dances,
Another cousin covered in tattoos and surrounded by snakes
But I'll never be good enough for them
I wish it hadn't affected by self esteem
I spoke in second person until 18
I could barely assert myself
Afraid of reprisal
Now that I have a voice again — I'm called all drama
Like my mother and her big mouth
I don't want to sweep my pain underneath the family rug
Just to save the peace
I want thriving relationships
So maybe perfection isn't perfect when issues are ignored blatantly
Like alcoholism
Maybe if they didn't ignore issues, then my uncle would still be alive
I would rather by my dramatic self then be perfect
As it has never made me happy.